Anxiety And That Sunday Evening Feeling!

As I write this article, it is Sunday night; I have the football playing on my second computer screen, and I am thinking about Monday and what is on my list of things to do, my appointments, and other commitments.  I’m busy, really very busy, and I also have to fit in a trip to the gym ......and I’m thinking about my vacation to Europe in a month’s time and, blah blah blah!

You get the picture. It is all rather busy, and honestly, I don’t think anyone would hold it against me if I felt an itsy bitsy little bit overwhelmed, and yet I am very relaxed. In fact, not at all overwhelmed! 

So, it got me thinking about a time a decade ago when I still lived in London and worked as a lawyer in the City. It reminded me of conversations I had with fellow lawyer friends about their Sunday evenings and how they were frequently filled with anxiety. We were all the same. It would get to Sunday evening, and suddenly that feeling would hit like a truck. The joy and fun of what you did over the weekend suddenly halt. The worries and anticipation about the work week ahead and who or what would ruin your day first could overwhelm and beat every positive and joyful feeling from the weekend out of you. That assumes you were not working all weekend, which was so frequently the case! 

And honestly, even with the benefit of hindsight, it is still unclear whether many of those feelings were justified. Were they interpretations or facts? Do we just allow ourselves to fuel feelings of overwhelm and dread for nothing? We add anticipation to false interpretation allowing your mood to take a nose dive, so you start to feel the dread and associated feelings even without the justification to do so. 

So, everything becomes a problem. You look around your apartment, thinking about everything you failed to achieve. The lack of food in the place or, god forbid, clean socks or underwear! Then you check your work email because clearly, you need to add a little more fuel to the fire, and if you are not being irritable with those around you by this point, I’m really impressed!  I'll be even more impressed if you get much sleep after all that. Either that or you are telling fibs, but I won’t hold it against you. I get it; you are embarrassed.  So, please do me a favor and stop beating yourself up right now. 

So stop allowing yourself to get into a Sunday rut and start enjoying your weekend more.....In an ideal world, I suggest you relax more, adopt a healthy, preferably vegetarian style diet, sleep well, meditate, make healthy choices, get to the gym, then modern art galleries, and spend plenty of time organizing yourself……But really! Listen, I was a lawyer; I was always too busy with “important” things to do anything else, and I get it........

Every Sunday, I would make myself almost ill with anxiety at what was coming the following morning, let alone the week. With the best will in the world, any high-stress job is going to mean you have enough to think about, so in lieu of all of those fantastic healthy choices, which by the way, are really good ideas, just try taking it a bit easier and give yourself a break so you can try to get rid of those Sunday evening blues. You deserve to take baby steps to make significant changes to your life.

So here is the pitch, but it is not for sales; it’s a life-choice pitch! When you work with a life coach, they have been trained in skills and tools to help make your life better, and as someone who has been through the process of transformation with my own coaches over the last five years, trust me, it really does work!

When I partner with people, I encourage them to make project plans for significant areas in their lives to maintain clarity, momentum, and traction. I hold them to account without overwhelming them, and I support them. They suffer breakdowns as, ultimately, these can and frequently will lead to beautiful breakthroughs!  

So, as you read this on your Monday journey into the office, please take a moment to think about the message I am sharing with you. When I reflect on my past life and how I live now, I wonder what all the Hubba and wasted time worrying about silly things were about.

So, just to remind you, it’s Sunday evening. I am thinking about how busy my Monday and the rest of the week ahead are. I have so much going on! No problem.  I’ve got this all-in hand! Time to have a great night’s sleep. I don't know about you, but I'm looking forward to a stress-free productive week. 

Is Hiring a Career Coach the Right Move for You?

Have you ever wondered whether working with a career coach would be helpful? Hiring one requires time and money, so it’s essential to do your due diligence before making the investment. Here are five reasons you might consider hiring one.

• You don’t know what you want to do next. If you’re unsure what will bring you fulfillment, a coach can help you consider possibilities that are a departure from your past experiences or that you hadn’t considered.

• You want to improve your resume and LinkedIn profile drastically. Maybe you need support in identifying transferable skills that are relevant to a role you’re interested in, even if they don’t match up precisely with what’s in the job description.

• You aren’t over your previous job. Perhaps the way your last job ended has left you feeling wounded and lacking confidence. A career coach can encourage you to move past unpleasant career experiences and rebuild your belief in yourself.

• You’ve been interviewing, but it's going nowhere. A coach can help you refine your answers to other common interview questions, polish your executive presence, and practice with you, so you feel confident in your following interview. 

• You’re not moving up in your career. Coaches can decode performance feedback from your manager to uncover behaviors you need to adjust to continue to grow.

Remember, Love Yourself Too!

SELF CARE CHECKLIST - REMEMBER TO LOVE YOURSELF TOO!

I sent one of my Godchildren a message for his 18th Birthday, and the Irony of it as well as the contradiction of it, did not escape me. It was both a reminder and a note to myself too!

Enjoy life, Godson. I do not regret giving service above myself, but I wish I had remembered to love myself and enjoy life for myself more than I did. It is a lesson we can all remember. We can love and care for others while loving and caring for ourselves too.

The Optimist vs. Pessimist - There must be a Pony!

The Story of “There must be a Pony” by Jim Kirkwood is a favorite of mine. There have been many variations of the cover story which appears on the front of the book as well as jokes which have been adapted from it. For me, it can reflect our way of being. Is the glass half empty or half full? How we choose to reflect on life can affect our successes and failures. A lot of the hesitation we might have is usually just our negative interpretations. By getting elevation and reflecting on the tasks in hand, recognizing that in reality there are no obstacles to success other than those that we may place in our own way.

The short story goes like so. A family had twin boys whose only resemblance to each other was their looks. If one felt it was too hot, the other thought it was too cold. If one said the TV was too loud, the other claimed the volume needed to be turned up. Opposite in every way, one was an eternal optimist, the other a doom and gloom pessimist.

Just to see what would happen, on the twins' birthday their father decided to undertake an experiment.

He loaded the pessimist's room with every imaginable toy and game a child could dream of. The optimist's room he loaded with horse manure.

That night the father passed by the pessimist's room and found him sitting amid his new gifts crying bitterly.

"Why are you crying?" the father asked.

"Because I don’t understand why this is happening, my friends will be jealous, I'll have to read all these instructions before I can do anything with this stuff, I'll constantly need batteries, and my toys will eventually get broken." answered the pessimist twin.

Passing the optimist twin's room, the father found him dancing for joy in the pile of manure, covered from head to toe in the unpleasant substance.

"What are you so happy about?" he asked.

To which his optimist twin replied, "With all this house crap around, there's got to be a pony in here somewhere!"

OVERWHELM!

It's a funny old world at the moment, and noticeable how many people find themselves a feeling of overwhelm for a variety of reasons. But what does that mean exactly?

It is an individual thing, and the definition is broad, but a simple one is that overwhelm most commonly means to cause to be overcome with emotion as a result of an amount of something (work, stress, etc.) that's just too much to handle. And you shouldn't feel ashamed of feeling overwhelmed or consider yourself weak or unable to cope. It can happen to the best of us, and we all react differently.

I have a challenge for you. Give yourself a break and take a moment to get some elevation as to everything going on.

Instead of feeling like everything is coming at you at a hundred miles per hour, and building up anxiety, take a moment, breathe deeply, write down each task or issue to be completed and instead of feeling like the whole world is on your shoulders, look upon each of these as a small matter to be overcome.

More times than not, this approach will help to make your professional and personal life more manageable, releasing the negativity that is taking up your energy and hopefully leading to a much more fulfilled existence.

And remember, give yourself a break! You deserve it.

Are obstacles really in the way of your success?

What if there were no obstacles? Nothing to stop you from succeeding in your goals?  Better still, what if our belief that there are obstacles that are impossible to overcome, are actually just an illusion, a figment of our imagination, something our brain does to play tricks on us, to convince us we just can’t do it? We can’t succeed!

The reality is that most of the obstacles we place in our way are not real, or at least to the degree we think they are. When you look at young kids, they can be reckless, fearless, and inspirational in their seeking the spirit of adventure with a passion that we could all benefit from. They have not yet been conditioned for fear, failure, or fault. And conditioning itself is irreversible.

In coaching, we call it “transformation” because, unlike change, transformation is a more permanent state of mind or process akin to rewiring an electrical item instead of making a repair or change to its circuitry.

When coaching clients, a common expression is not “why isn’t it possible” as this in itself is an invitation for a host of reasons as to impossibly but instead we ask “what is stopping you?” Almost always, after talking through the potential for success available to clients, it is for the most part clear that there are no obstacles in the way and the only thing actually stopping you is yourself.

So, rather than thinking “I can’t do it, there are too many obstacles in the way”. Ask yourself instead,” is there anything actually stopping me from achieving my goal?”

Give yourself a break, and take a leap of faith. it’s fun!

Mental Health Awareness

I woke up yesterday morning with a deep foreboding of darkness. I had a meeting I wasn’t looking forward to and truth be told I’ve become quite isolated since Covid started affecting us in March 2020.

I tried reaching out to a couple of friends but they have their own lives and are busy so didn’t manage to speak. After several other busy commitments I spoke to an acquaintance who was coming in from out of town. We met for brunch and she smelt the flower on our table.

“I love the difference it can make in your day just to take a moment and do something simple like smelling a beautiful flower, don’t you?”

I reflected for a moment for her comment as we continued dining. And then it struck me how living in any kind of isolation can detach ourselves from the simple things in life. For me the outdoors has always been my happy place. It’s where I clear my negative thoughts and gain clarity.

While I didn’t tell her how much it meant to me to have her company, I think she knew it was just nice to talk and engage with another human being. I don’t know If having negative thoughts or moments or darkness means I have a mental illness or health problem? If so, there’s probably a little in all of us in reality but I do know that one person can make a big difference in the lives of others by just saying hi and smelling a flower.

It’s mental health awareness week. Having mental health issues is not something to feel ashamed of, as was the thought process instilled in me growing up. It is something to acknowledge and where necessary get help but as for you, my flower friend and me, maybe pick up the phone or send a text to a friend. Say “Hi, how are you?” You never know the difference it might make in their world.

Saying Sorry Doesn’t Need To Be The Hardest Thing to Do!

A sincere apology should always be offered when your actions have had a negative impact on other people. Even if you do not fully understand why someone is so upset, respect their feelings, and accept that your actions are the root of the problem.

Don’t pass the buck, or use your apology as a way of blaming someone else. Don’t plead mitigating or extenuating circumstances, or engage in retrospective regrets: “With hindsight, I should have…” Don’t argue that your misdeeds were essentially based on a misunderstanding of salient circumstances. Take full responsibility for your actions. Never ever use the phrase ”I’m sorry if I offended/disappointed/enraged you.” You must fully own the fault – no ifs, not buts.

An apology will be much more persuasive if you acknowledge, and even reiterate, the nature of the fault: “I’m sorry I was so irritable last night” is more specific than a simple “I’m sorry”, and actually recognises the other person’s grievance. Never temper your apologies with accusations or insinuations: it will negate the impact if an apology is immediately followed by self-justification or further criticism. If you have committed a real faux-pas consider sending a handwritten note – but only after you have offered a verbal apology, otherwise it will look like a lesser meaner.

Some societies have a habit to apologise for other people’s actions. If someone barges into you, a muttered “sorry” is misplaced. Constant, needless apologising, when you are not the actual offender, devalues the currency, and will lessen the impact of a genuine, heartfelt mea culpa. It is important that you recognise when an apology is called for and that you sincerely acknowledge the magnitude of the offence.

To Quit or Not to Quit, that is the Question?

To Quick or Not to Quit, that is the Question?

Is it time to leave your job? Ask yourself these questions — and answer them honestly — to determine whether it's time to make your next career move.

• Is there still room to grow? Life is all about possibility. Have you considered reinventing your role to create new opportunities to learn? Try engaging and working with your manager to take on new projects and responsibilities that can reinvigorate your work life.

• Have I achieved what I set out to achieve? What is your future vision? Reflect on your goals from when you started the job to see whether you still have something to aspire to there. Ultimately, what is your ultimate intention and vision for yourself.

• Am I looking for ways to avoid doing my job? Many of us have an ability to remain focused and just need to power through distractions to get work done. But sometimes, it’s necessary to take a short break to reenergize — Other times, it is necessary to take a permanent break to seek new employment that ignites excitement and empowerment again rather than avoidance and suffering in silence.

• Does my role no longer align with my values? If you find yourself doing and saying things in your professional life that you wouldn’t do or say in your personal life, you may be compromising your values. This is a clear sign that it’s time to go.

• Has my workplace become toxic? There are so many warning signs that our workplace is, or has become toxic but we sometimes choose to ignore them or simply become so conditions or desensitized, we do not always see what is directly in front of us. Some indications can include an absence of work-life balance, the promotion of unhealthy or toxic competition, and managers or other leaders who don’t value you as a full person. These types of conditions can become harmful to your mental and ultimately physical health.

Take a hike - For clarity and wellbeing!

As a business mentor and life coach, I encourage my clients to give themselves space and time in order to breathe and have the opportunity to take a step back and gain clarity. Sometimes we need to be completely separated from our business world and the stresses that around us to remind ourselves what’s actually important and the results we are seeking to achieve.

This week, try to give yourself some space think about what you want for your future plans whether that relates to your business or personal life. I find it helpful to start at the end, thinking where I want to be in 20, 10 or 5 years time and work backwards from there.

Hiking on the Rattlesnake trail

at the Delaware Water Gap

On Sunday I went on a hike to the Delaware Water Gap which is on the border of New Jersey and Pennsylvania. It was my first hike of 2021 and despite the fact that my Covid lungs were reminding me that it will take a little time to fully recover despite the fact that it’s already been nine months, I felt empowered, energized and overjoyed at being out in the wilderness.  Having the opportunity to push myself and to enjoy the outdoors which is where I’m usually happiest can help to give me clarity, empowerment and strength. Wellness is always key to a good life.

The temperature was -2 C and there was a fair bit of ice and mud around but nothing to be worried about, and absolutely worth it for the views and the fresh air. Being in the outdoors has been my go-to for joy and clarity my entire life. As a child and during my time in the RAFVR(T), I used to love having the opportunity to be out enjoying the outdoors for all that it gives us.

I continue enjoying my time outside and love being a volunteer with the New York/New Jersey Chapter of the Appalachian Mountain Club. They do such valuable work to promote the outdoors. I still have my various outdoor qualifications as well as extensive experience which I was lucky enough to have obtained in the United Kingdom. It is my intention to get out as often as I can to help me think and gain clarity for my best possible future life, which also involves a successful business.

So in conclusion of my post, I invite you to click on the link to my contact page so you or your friends, family or business associates can book a complimentary session with me. Many people find just one session with me gives them the opportunity to gain clarity which they’ve been seeking. There’s no commitment. It’s all about you and the power in your life, making either your business or your life successful. In the case of my clients it’s usually both. I’m looking forward to sharing this journey with you. 

Views from the Ridgeline on the Rattle Snake trail at the Mohican Center at the Delaware Water Gap in New Jersey