Are obstacles really in the way of your success?

What if there were no obstacles? Nothing to stop you from succeeding in your goals?  Better still, what if our belief that there are obstacles that are impossible to overcome, are actually just an illusion, a figment of our imagination, something our brain does to play tricks on us, to convince us we just can’t do it? We can’t succeed!

The reality is that most of the obstacles we place in our way are not real, or at least to the degree we think they are. When you look at young kids, they can be reckless, fearless, and inspirational in their seeking the spirit of adventure with a passion that we could all benefit from. They have not yet been conditioned for fear, failure, or fault. And conditioning itself is irreversible.

In coaching, we call it “transformation” because, unlike change, transformation is a more permanent state of mind or process akin to rewiring an electrical item instead of making a repair or change to its circuitry.

When coaching clients, a common expression is not “why isn’t it possible” as this in itself is an invitation for a host of reasons as to impossibly but instead we ask “what is stopping you?” Almost always, after talking through the potential for success available to clients, it is for the most part clear that there are no obstacles in the way and the only thing actually stopping you is yourself.

So, rather than thinking “I can’t do it, there are too many obstacles in the way”. Ask yourself instead,” is there anything actually stopping me from achieving my goal?”

Give yourself a break, and take a leap of faith. it’s fun!

“IF” YOU CAN KEEP YOUR HEAD WHEN ALL AROUND YOU ARE LOSING THEIRS!

Rudyard Kipling was a famous British writer born in colonial India in 1865. He wrote a number of notable works but there is one poem in particular which has always struck a chord and even now, despite its Victorian age, can be quite thought-provoking for individuals working in any high-pressure or challenging environment. The poem is called “If” and was written in the form of paternal advice to his son, John Kipling, who was killed in World War One while serving as an officer with the Irish Guards at the Battle of Loos.

If you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

But make allowance for their doubting too:

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,

Or being hated don't give way to hating,

And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;

If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim,

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

And treat those two impostors just the same:

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

⁠And never breathe a word about your loss:

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

⁠Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

If all men count with you, but none too much:

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,

Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,

⁠And—which is more—you'll be a Man, my son!

Rudyard Kipling

Mental Health Awareness

I woke up yesterday morning with a deep foreboding of darkness. I had a meeting I wasn’t looking forward to and truth be told I’ve become quite isolated since Covid started affecting us in March 2020.

I tried reaching out to a couple of friends but they have their own lives and are busy so didn’t manage to speak. After several other busy commitments I spoke to an acquaintance who was coming in from out of town. We met for brunch and she smelt the flower on our table.

“I love the difference it can make in your day just to take a moment and do something simple like smelling a beautiful flower, don’t you?”

I reflected for a moment for her comment as we continued dining. And then it struck me how living in any kind of isolation can detach ourselves from the simple things in life. For me the outdoors has always been my happy place. It’s where I clear my negative thoughts and gain clarity.

While I didn’t tell her how much it meant to me to have her company, I think she knew it was just nice to talk and engage with another human being. I don’t know If having negative thoughts or moments or darkness means I have a mental illness or health problem? If so, there’s probably a little in all of us in reality but I do know that one person can make a big difference in the lives of others by just saying hi and smelling a flower.

It’s mental health awareness week. Having mental health issues is not something to feel ashamed of, as was the thought process instilled in me growing up. It is something to acknowledge and where necessary get help but as for you, my flower friend and me, maybe pick up the phone or send a text to a friend. Say “Hi, how are you?” You never know the difference it might make in their world.

Saying Sorry Doesn’t Need To Be The Hardest Thing to Do!

A sincere apology should always be offered when your actions have had a negative impact on other people. Even if you do not fully understand why someone is so upset, respect their feelings, and accept that your actions are the root of the problem.

Don’t pass the buck, or use your apology as a way of blaming someone else. Don’t plead mitigating or extenuating circumstances, or engage in retrospective regrets: “With hindsight, I should have…” Don’t argue that your misdeeds were essentially based on a misunderstanding of salient circumstances. Take full responsibility for your actions. Never ever use the phrase ”I’m sorry if I offended/disappointed/enraged you.” You must fully own the fault – no ifs, not buts.

An apology will be much more persuasive if you acknowledge, and even reiterate, the nature of the fault: “I’m sorry I was so irritable last night” is more specific than a simple “I’m sorry”, and actually recognises the other person’s grievance. Never temper your apologies with accusations or insinuations: it will negate the impact if an apology is immediately followed by self-justification or further criticism. If you have committed a real faux-pas consider sending a handwritten note – but only after you have offered a verbal apology, otherwise it will look like a lesser meaner.

Some societies have a habit to apologise for other people’s actions. If someone barges into you, a muttered “sorry” is misplaced. Constant, needless apologising, when you are not the actual offender, devalues the currency, and will lessen the impact of a genuine, heartfelt mea culpa. It is important that you recognise when an apology is called for and that you sincerely acknowledge the magnitude of the offence.

It Worked For Me!

General Colin Powell’s 13 Rules Of Leadership

Colin Powell’s Thirteen Rules of Leadership  

I first came across General Colin Powell’s Thirteen Rules of Leadership several years ago but in all honesty, gave it little notice until I decided to listen to his audiobook a few months ago, which in turn prompted me to purchase the hard copy of the book.  I was sad when he passed away in October 2021. He was an inspirational leader during his time in service and easy to admire.

Some of the principles he made reference to were principles that I followed and suggested to others so not necessarily new to me but the difference this time was that I found myself giving more thought to his comments within the context of the current business environment, especially in the age of virtual communication, and how many of my executive clients could benefit from approaching his suggestions, albeit with their own adaption according to individual circumstances. 

Listening to Colin Powell’s Rules in his own spoken word, I felt like I was talking to an old friend, giving words of advice on how to live life. His rules which I have highlighted in bold letters are full of emotional intelligence and wisdom for any leader.  I’ve added my own thoughts and my invitation to others are to interpret, remember and apply these for yourselves.

Rule 1: It Ain’t as Bad as You Think!  It Will Look Better in the Morning!

These are the words of a man and of a leader who lived a purposeful life.  It is true how many events that seem so devastating have in them the seeds of renewal if we look for them.  Give it some time and perspective.  You can deal with it!  You have made it this far!

Rule 2: Get Mad Then Get Over It!  OK, you’re angry and probably rightly so! Instead of letting anger destroy you, use it to make constructive change in your organization or even in your life.  Acknowledge and accept that you are angry and then use your anger in an effective manner for your own benefit and the benefit of others.

Rule 3: Avoid Having Your Ego So Close to your Position that When Your Position Falls, Your Ego Goes with It!

Your position is what you do to live, it is not who you are.  Leaders that have “their egos in check” will lead from whatever position they hold.  For them, a position is just a means to an end–not the end itself.  You can always lead!

Rule 4: It Can be Done! 

Being a leader is all about making things happen.  If challenged, they will ask, Why Not, when faced with the improbable.  While one approach may not work, it might be done another way.  Being a leader is about being able to take a step back, get some elevation and gain an overview. Don’t be afraid to review plans of action with renewed knowledge. A good leader will not hesitate or be afraid to be open to change a course of action. Consider and find the other way to make it happen!

Rule 5: Be Careful What You Choose! You May Get It! 

When making decisions, consider the potential implications and decide carefully as well as wisely.  You will have to live with your decisions, and many decisions have unintended consequences. This also includes the people you choose to associate with. Choose them wisely too! You are affected by the company that you keep.

Rule 6: Don’t Let Adverse Facts Stand in the Way of a Good Decision. 

Whoever said leadership was easy! If they did, they were not truthful. Leaders sometimes have to stand alone (or with the support of only a few) on what they know to be right. They have to make difficult, right decisions that may cost them some relationships. Fortunately, the truth has a way of surfacing with time. Leaders we now admire such as Nelson Mandela, Dr. Martin Luther King and President Abraham Lincoln had plenty of people who detested them in their times. Make the right decision, take the heat, and let time and good results prove you right!

Rule 7: You Can’t Make Someone Else’s Decisions!  You Shouldn’t Let Someone Else Make Yours! 

While good leaders listen and consider all perspectives, they ultimately make their own decisions and take responsibility for their choices.  If it does not feel, seem, or smell right, it may not be right.   Make your own decision about what is in your own best interests. Accept your good decisions.  Learn from your mistakes. Experiences make us more learned and better leaders.

Rule 8: Check Small Things! 

While leaders live in the “big picture” world they should never forget the importance of the details and they should ensure that the details get the attention they deserve. It is often the small things, or little foxes as King Solomon put it, that ruin the best laid plans. Don’t forget the details! Don’t forget your people!

Rule 9: Share Credit!

It is probably our modern culture but “leader worship” can sometimes appear engrained in us.  The CEO’s get all of the attention and most of the credit for a company’s success. Leaders are indispensable to success, but the truth is a leader cannot achieve success on their own.  The success of leaders is built on the talents of the people working with them to fulfill the vision.  Without them, leaders might not be so successful.  As a leader, share the credit with others.  

Rule 10: Remain calm!  Be kind!

It is hard for a leader to inspire confidence and resilience in others if he or she cannot keep his or her composure in times of difficulty.  It is hard for a leader to garner loyalty from others if he or she treats others badly. Remain calm and be kind and your team will climb mountains for you!

Rule 11: Have a Vision! Be Demanding!

Lost sometimes in the language of inclusion, employee participation, servant leadership, motivation, etc. is the fact that leaders are demanding when it comes to fulfilling the vision.  Effective leaders do not accept poor performance and mediocre results. They hold people accountable for their performance.  It is talented people working diligently that achieve success. Be clear about what needs to be done and hold people accountable for fulfilling their roles and responsibilities.

Rule 12: Don’t take counsel of your fears or naysayers! 

Fear can be paralyzing! Further, there will always be those who do not support a leader or have his or her best interests at heart no matter how hard the leader tries to work effectively with them.  To lead others effectively, tune out your fears and the uninformed naysayers.  You will be more successful.

Rule 13: Perpetual optimism is a force multiplier!

There is something to be said for the leader who refuses to accept defeat and continues to adapt as necessary until he or she is successful.  He or she is a force to be reckoned with and he or she will positively impact others.  Remain optimistic and your leadership effectiveness will multiply.

Colin Powell’s short rules are full of wisdom and application.  They remain powerful lessons for any leader. These rules encourage leaders to manage their emotions effectively, have a realistic sense of who they are as a person, model the behavior they expect from others because they themselves serve by example.

We can all do well with these 13 rules!

Seven habits you need to break for a successful entrepreneurial business life

Life can be pretty tough at the best of times, but to have a successful self-employed life, it can sometimes feel like you have to put in more hours, take on more projects, some of which you do not actually want, and get yourself ‘out there as much as possible. But bad habits can form, even those built on good intentions, and frequently these can actually hold you back.

From my own experience as a business coach, I have come up with a few ideas of habits you might consider stopping straight away to give you a happier and far more successful business life.

1.      You are easily distracted

On a day-to-day level, you may find that you sit in front of the computer to work on creating materials, business or coaching plans but instead frequently find yourself distracted by the call of social media, cat and dog videos, or reading online articles, some of which have nothing whatsoever to do with business but what occurred at the Oscars, considering each and every possible angle of the event. Sound familiar?

One of the approaches I adopt to help myself is to write a list of what I want to do, I set a timer for a limited period of 15/20 minutes or so, and promise myself that I will not get distracted, or do anything else until the timer is up.

Distractions can also be bigger and come from not having a focus or goals for your business. Many entrepreneurs are people who can get distracted by new ideas and possible opportunities. It even has the name ‘bright, shiny object syndrome! It is not dissimilar to when a dog gets completely distracted by a squirrel whilst on a walk!

When new opportunities or ideas do appear, ask yourself whether it’s really relevant to the direction you want for yourself and your business. If it’s not, then it is likely to be an unnecessary distraction, even if it is fun on the face of it.

2.      Working 24/7

Even workaholics have to sleep. As I type this late in the evening, I have placed myself under the pressure of believing that this is something I need to do. But with that in mind, ask yourself, if I do not take care of myself, who is going to take care of my business if I end up being unable to properly function. As an entrepreneur, it is a very easy and slippery slope to start clocking up 60-, 70- or even 80-hour workweeks. You might feel that if you just put in more time on your business to create success.

 Many people feel like working 24/7 is manageable until, suddenly, it isn’t. Their health starts to suffer, they can’t sleep, their mental health declines, and they become isolated from their friends and family. As much as you love your entrepreneurial business, it’s important to maintain your work/life balance. Make time for yourself and be with people around you that you care about. Take time off, and take up pastimes that give you joy. In terms, you might be surprised at the positive effect on your business.

3.      Setting boundaries

Entrepreneurs often find they have to increase their work time when they don’t set boundaries.  If you are someone who feels obliged to say ‘yes’ to every request or opportunity, who feels unable to let anyone down, and who is worried about not being available, it can get exhausting very quickly. 

As an entrepreneur, you should be able to set the boundaries for your business that suit you. This includes your working hours, availability, and even when you are happy to answer the phone. If you choose not to work Fridays or you only like to have telephone meetings after lunch, that is your call. Be clear with clients and contacts so you can manage expectations. Make sure you stick to your boundaries, Structure your working week in a way that suits you.

 4.      Starting too late in the day!

You will read a number of books and articles that state that many successful entrepreneurs, freelancers, and business people swear that the secret to their success is making an early start on their work every day.

You might find that getting up an hour earlier and implementing a morning routine such as writing a to-do list or checking your emails before your clients are in their offices helps you to manage your workload. Of course, this doesn’t always work for night owls, but it might be worth a try, and be sure to avoid taking long naps during the day.

5.      Doing work that makes you unhappy!

One of the consequences of a bad habit such as saying ‘yes’ to everything is that you can end up creating a job for yourself that makes you unhappy rather than a business that fulfills you.

Sometimes, we all find ourselves taking on work or clients that don’t gel with our own values or who have unrealistic expectations. This can be draining. Bad client and bad work are simply not worth it!

If you are doing work that makes you unhappy, ask yourself way and is it really worth it?  Look at your database of customers. Who are the clients that you love working with? What projects fill you with excitement? What are you passionate about?

If you can build your business around these things, you are likely to find a significant positive transformation in your life.

6.      Sitting at your desk for too long

Even if you’re disciplined about the hours your work overall, you could be spending too long at your desk throughout the day. Short, frequent breaks have been found to be far better for us than less frequent longer breaks. Try to take five to ten minutes away from your desk at the end of every hour and you should feel much more productive.

7.      Overpromising

Don’t do it! It is such a common entrepreneurial habit to overpromise. You want to look like you’re completely in control and capable of delivering whatever your clients need. But this also means that you might over-extend yourself, underestimate how long a project will take to complete and deliver it late or offer to take on more tasks that you can accomplish with your current workload, eventually letting people down. They say it’s better to under-promise and over-deliver.

If these extremely brief examples sound familiar, let’s have a conversation. My clients past and present have benefited greatly from working with me in these and many other challenging aspects of the business.

To Quit or Not to Quit, that is the Question?

To Quick or Not to Quit, that is the Question?

Is it time to leave your job? Ask yourself these questions — and answer them honestly — to determine whether it's time to make your next career move.

• Is there still room to grow? Life is all about possibility. Have you considered reinventing your role to create new opportunities to learn? Try engaging and working with your manager to take on new projects and responsibilities that can reinvigorate your work life.

• Have I achieved what I set out to achieve? What is your future vision? Reflect on your goals from when you started the job to see whether you still have something to aspire to there. Ultimately, what is your ultimate intention and vision for yourself.

• Am I looking for ways to avoid doing my job? Many of us have an ability to remain focused and just need to power through distractions to get work done. But sometimes, it’s necessary to take a short break to reenergize — Other times, it is necessary to take a permanent break to seek new employment that ignites excitement and empowerment again rather than avoidance and suffering in silence.

• Does my role no longer align with my values? If you find yourself doing and saying things in your professional life that you wouldn’t do or say in your personal life, you may be compromising your values. This is a clear sign that it’s time to go.

• Has my workplace become toxic? There are so many warning signs that our workplace is, or has become toxic but we sometimes choose to ignore them or simply become so conditions or desensitized, we do not always see what is directly in front of us. Some indications can include an absence of work-life balance, the promotion of unhealthy or toxic competition, and managers or other leaders who don’t value you as a full person. These types of conditions can become harmful to your mental and ultimately physical health.

What to do if you hear or become aware of a microaggression

All leaders, whether holding the title of manager, director, supervisor, department head, partner or more importantly, an individual in the workplace, have a unique opportunity, as well as a responsibility to be a role model in creating an inclusive workplace. 

What this means in real terms is recognizing and mitigating potential harmful behaviors in yourself, and in your team members. Easily one of the main examples of this is speaking up if you hear or see something inappropriate, especially any act which could be considered a microaggression, such as interrupting, taking up airtime, dismissing or taking credit for someone else’s ideas, diminishing someone’s experience, stereotyping, or using problematic language. These behaviors are often unintentional, which makes it all the more important to call them out. If a situation like this comes up, be sure to pause and name what’s just happened. For example, if someone uses an outdated or problematic word to describe a group of people, you might say: “Hey, Just so we are all aware, I just want to take a moment here. It’s really important to focus on the language we use to describe people, and XYZ is a not considered an acceptable term.” The object of the exercise is to educate others rather than shame them (which is more likely to alienate and less likely to result in change). 

It is always good practice to follow up with the individual after the incident to discuss in private and provide them with helpful learning resources, offering to continue the conversation if they’d find it helpful. The world can be a complicated ever-changing place where people might not fully understand their conduct. It isn’t wrong to take a moment to hold someone to account or support them with knowledge. 

This article is not intended to address the specific definitions of microaggressions themselves but this helpful video from Quart while not comprehensive is a helpful guide.

Why do people use me as a business mentor or coach?

Peter Gourri at the Indian Consulate in New York City on January 19, 2021

Why do people use me as a coach, especially my corporate as well as other business clients? Well it isn’t just because I am a trained ICF coach, who also has extensive experience in business mentoring and coaching, leadership training and personal development. It is also because I make it my business to ensure that I have the up to date knowledge of business practices to ensure I have the abilities to make my clients more successful. 

I was delighted to have been invited by Consul General of India in New York City, Mr Randhir Jaiswal, in partnership with MPEDA and USISPF to an event celebrating Indian Seafood and its impact in the United States of America. It’s a lesser known fact that India exports thousands of tons of seafood, especially shrimp to the USA every year. After an excellent presentation, during which I had an opportunity to ask questions from subject matter experts in India and New York, there were samples of food to taste and enjoy. The food as you would expect was absolutely delicious. It was presented by the famous Michelin Star Chef Hemant Mathur of Saar

For me, being invited to the consulate wasn’t just having some fun engaging with others and tasting delicious food, although it was definitely enjoyable. It was primarily an opportunity to obtain knowledge about different aspects of international business. My background in business goes back to 1987 when I started off as a 17 year old outdoor clerk with a firm of Solicitors (Attorneys) in the Inner Temple area of the City of London. After hard work and a legal education, I rose to become a senior litigation and business lawyer representing small, medium and large businesses as well as individuals. 

My practice included providing business and legal advice and suing or defending against governments, institutions with diplomatic immunity to multinational conglomerates and all types of business. I also enjoyed representing nonprofit organizations and startups, providing them with practical advice on best practice and success. 

Because of my extensive background in business it means that I have very extensive set of skills not just as an ICF coach but also as somebody who has been there, done it and helped numerous individuals and businesses to transform themselves into greater success and contentment.  I’m able to give my clients practical knowledge based on that extensive expertise in business and individual success.

If you want to make your business more successful, or perhaps you want to have a startup or resolve issues which you can’t quite put your finger on as to why it is still around, drop me a line by clicking here. I have no doubt I will be able to help you.

Take a hike - For clarity and wellbeing!

As a business mentor and life coach, I encourage my clients to give themselves space and time in order to breathe and have the opportunity to take a step back and gain clarity. Sometimes we need to be completely separated from our business world and the stresses that around us to remind ourselves what’s actually important and the results we are seeking to achieve.

This week, try to give yourself some space think about what you want for your future plans whether that relates to your business or personal life. I find it helpful to start at the end, thinking where I want to be in 20, 10 or 5 years time and work backwards from there.

Hiking on the Rattlesnake trail

at the Delaware Water Gap

On Sunday I went on a hike to the Delaware Water Gap which is on the border of New Jersey and Pennsylvania. It was my first hike of 2021 and despite the fact that my Covid lungs were reminding me that it will take a little time to fully recover despite the fact that it’s already been nine months, I felt empowered, energized and overjoyed at being out in the wilderness.  Having the opportunity to push myself and to enjoy the outdoors which is where I’m usually happiest can help to give me clarity, empowerment and strength. Wellness is always key to a good life.

The temperature was -2 C and there was a fair bit of ice and mud around but nothing to be worried about, and absolutely worth it for the views and the fresh air. Being in the outdoors has been my go-to for joy and clarity my entire life. As a child and during my time in the RAFVR(T), I used to love having the opportunity to be out enjoying the outdoors for all that it gives us.

I continue enjoying my time outside and love being a volunteer with the New York/New Jersey Chapter of the Appalachian Mountain Club. They do such valuable work to promote the outdoors. I still have my various outdoor qualifications as well as extensive experience which I was lucky enough to have obtained in the United Kingdom. It is my intention to get out as often as I can to help me think and gain clarity for my best possible future life, which also involves a successful business.

So in conclusion of my post, I invite you to click on the link to my contact page so you or your friends, family or business associates can book a complimentary session with me. Many people find just one session with me gives them the opportunity to gain clarity which they’ve been seeking. There’s no commitment. It’s all about you and the power in your life, making either your business or your life successful. In the case of my clients it’s usually both. I’m looking forward to sharing this journey with you. 

Views from the Ridgeline on the Rattle Snake trail at the Mohican Center at the Delaware Water Gap in New Jersey